Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Signs of the Times

One day, when I am grey and crotchety and nostalgic, I will sit down with my children's children and tell them stories of simpler times, of happier times. I'll tell them about the blue skies we once lived under, about iPhones that were not nestled cozily within our frontal lobes, and about how peanut butter was once made of actual peanuts, instead of orphans and caulk. And I'll tell them a whimsical story about a time when the National Debt Clock in Times Square needed a mere thirteen digits to record the amount of money we owed to other nations.

"Sure, Grandpa," my platinum blond, telepathic descendants will yawn. "Next you'll be telling us that there was a time when humanity didn't live in constant, mortal terror of destruction at the cybernetically enhanced hands of Pacman Jones."

"No, children," I will sigh, my head bowed in sorrow for the thousands lost the night Jones levelled poor, defenseless Tallahassee. "No. Twas always thus."

Monday, October 6, 2008

The Name Game

So on the heels of the less-disatrous-than-it-could-have-been VP debate, the McCain Palin campaign has seemingly come to the conclusion that they simply cannot win this election on the issues, a reading of political tea leaves that coincides with recent electoral maps, including Karl Rove's own. So instead, they are going to go big with every smear they can dig up, starting with former radical leftist Bill Ayers, a fellow resident of Obama's Hyde Park neighborhood who has sponsored a couple of fundraisers for the candidate when he was running for state senate in Illinois. Look for Chicago area developer Tony Rezko to be making an appearance in McCain campaign literature shortly, and even though McCain himself has declared the much maligned Rev. Wright off limits, it's not a huge stretch to think we'll see that ground tread a few more times before the 4th of November.

But just as pepople in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, people who have cast their lot alongsidescandalized S&L bankers maybe shouldn't bring up rivals dealings with less than savory characters. In a refreshing swing back at the dirty politics of the McCain campaign, which is so sadly reminiscent of the same mudslinging that derailed The Maverick's Straight Talk Express in 2000, the Obama camp is releasing a thirteen minute documentary on the Keating Five corruption investigation. And one can assume we'll also be hearing more about Sarah Barracuda's cozy relationship with the secessionist Alaskan Independence Party, of which First Dude Todd Palin was a longtime member. Palin has spoken several times at conventions for the party, most recently earlier this year, and has courted the votes of it's members, many of whom still hold a special place in their hearts for party founder Joe Vogler, who hated America so much that he "wouldn't be buried under their damn flag." Interesting fact: was interred in the Yukon Territory following his death during what has been described as a botched plastic explosives buy. Now, having no overriding interest in the overthrow of the government, I wouldn't know what a plastic explosives buy looks like, botched or not. But I would wager that if it goes well at all...you should survive it?